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I love listening to music, my favorite color is blue and i am a freshman in college:)







You know you’re a serious TV addict when you can relate to all 10 GIFs in this gallery! How many were you able to relate to?

All of them, oh my god..

*cough*Game of Thrones for last one*cough*

Me and books

story of my life…

Today was a good day. I was in a good mood. Things were going right and I felt relieved most of all: ) went to Zuma and had a good time. Salt water in my mouth. Yuck haha. Get home relax and begin cake baking process. He asked me why I befriended him.. and he asked if I was mad at him..yes I was mad. That was a bitch move.. throughout today he came up into my head but it was just memories.I didn’t really get sad: ) I feel good. I made a couple wishes today going through some tunnels. Yea it’s clishe but you never know what will happen haha: ) that’s it for today: ) 12:48am so actually day 4 lol

So I’m here sad crying cause it’s over . Then I go and shower and I feel so sick I puke. I haven’t been eating , as I said before. It makes me forget about my sadness. And I’m completely emotionally numb. I come to his texts. And I’m good I’m happy. Fucken posts.. He posts up that he’s “relieved :)” Fuck you bitch . I knew it was to good to be true . I’m sorry for ranting, whoever is reading this, but this really got me mad and hurt. Well there goes half of my problems. The other half I thought while showering . A past I hold onto nomatter what. Should I go back to it ? Yes? No? .. We’ll see. But I feel like it will be a movie . Go through a lot of shit and in the end reunite. ..ahh anyone want to message me ?


Austin Carlile // Of Mice & Men


Austin Carlile // Of Mice & Men

I woke up numb today. Emotionally numb. It was as if yesterday didn’t exist. I walked around alone. Felt alone. Felt not as peace, but not in destruction either. About three times today I got a bit emotional, I felt something but it went away eventually. At times I felt my chest begin to swell up into a knot again. It was not a nice feeling. Today I’ve grown confidence on my decision. But I know tomorrow will be another story. I’m tired of putting up a front, putting up a smile just because you can . It’s not fair that I’m here struggling and you don’t care. Yes we are different, but I thought you cared, even the slightest bit. Compared to him, you are opposite.. But here I go again with comparisons . So I just heard on tv, no matter where you go your problems /emotions will follow you.. That’s what I said yesterday isn’t it ? I just want to get it over with. It’s not like it will affect you anyways .

For the past week or two I’ve been feeling a bit sick. I just realized I haven’t been eating. Ok yes I do eat, but very very little, nor do I eat good food when I do. I’m afraid because when I went Into depression , eating was the least of my worries and here I am again. Am I depressed again? I don’t know.. I thought I was doing okay. Now that I’m aware of what’s going on I would expect for me to eat more, but I can’t. I honestly just can’t . Here’s another thing.. I’ve stayed away from social networks for a couple of months now, so why did I dare login back into it ?.. My heart aches, my eyes filled with tears. Memories down the drain, words stuck in my throat. Just one song brings back a life I used to have . Just one word can ruin my whole day . I wonder why I keep putting myself through this, it’s no good for me. I’m one who questions life as if it’s a person. Life is this what you want me to do? Is this a challenge? Is this a sign you want me to make this decision?. That’s me.. I guess I thought I had got over this simple question , but I haven’t deep in my heart.. “Were you the one ?” . Yea I’m 17 and young, I don’t care what others say. ..I just wish I knew.. I’m facing hard decisions and I can’t make up my mind.. Everything goes both ways and I’m scared to choose what I want. I don’t even know for sure what I want. I always tell myself college will get my mind off this but reality is it’s going to stay with me, yeah I’ll get my mind off of it for a while, but the second I’m alone , everything will come back and it’s killing me inside .one second in despair is eternity, and one second of happiness is gone in a heartbeat. I just wish I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I’m the one sending myself in circles , I just ..I can’t. I mentally and physically can’t no matter how much I try or lie to myself to believe the lie myself …I think I made the biggest mistake..and tears now fall because I’m being completely honest here.i know no one will read this , but this is me being honest with myself . My own little diary.. 3:17 am

Here I am. I’m getting anxiety again. I haven’t got anxiety in a while. I usually know what it’s about, but not this time. It just hit me out of nowhere. Now I jus feel so sad. I want to be alone And now here come all my thoughts. So let me begin. It seems as if no on understands me. I’m never good enough,I’m never listened to. Don’t get me wrong I’m proud of who I am. But I’m not good with judgment and though its not straight forward,I know it’s there. Also, I’m just so afraid of confrontation. I’ve been doing so good. And now I. Feel emotionally distraught again like all my. Hard work Is falling apart. I’m trying so hard to hold myself up but. . Its slowly breaking me down…10:37pm

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